Katie
by KittyCatCaitlin
Summary: Katie Russell has been dead for 5 years, but Owen still can't stop thinking about her. TW: suicide, self harm, death, grievance
1. Chapter 1

He sat on the edge of his bed, staring at the tiny object in the palm of his hand. Few people believed that Owen Harper was the marrying type. Fewer believed he had once been engaged. But here he was, staring at the engagement ring he had once got on one knee to slip onto a girl's finger, only for her to die before they got to the wedding. His suit still hung in the wardrobe, her dress in its box on the shelf, every day a stab in the heart that he never got to see her wear it. The death of Katie Russell, soon to be Harper, was almost 5 years previous to that evening's events, as Owen turned the ring in his hands, before carefully placing it back in the box and his nightstand. Once he was sure the ring was safe, Owen padded barefoot to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of scotch from the cupboard, and took a swig without even attempting to reach for a glass. It was going to be a long night.

The next morning Tosh observed Owen enter the Hub, not quite his usual self. "Good morning, Owen." She piped. Owen just grunted and went to his desk, obviously hungover, and Tosh thought nothing of it. It wasn't the first time Owen had come to work hungover and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

Owen's head was pounding from the whisky the night before, so much so he couldn't even express his thanks when Ianto placed a coffee on his desk. It was the 5th anniversary of Katie's death, and he wasn't really up to talking to anyone, so he picked up his coffee and the paracetamol Ianto had sensed that he needed, swallowed the two and stared at his computer for a moment. Today was going to be a long, hard day, but first, he needed coffee.

The rift was quiet that day, nothing bigger than some weevil hunting for Jack and Ianto, so Owen was able to spend his day staring listlessly at his computer screen, unsuccessfully attempting to update staff medical records with the stack of handwritten notes of all the illness and injuries from the past few months. He couldn't draw his mind away from Katie, from the day that should have been their wedding, from how much he wanted to be back with her. He was so lost in thought that he didn't notice the delivery of Chinese food at lunchtime until Gwen tapped him on the shoulder. "Owen, we've got Chinese, come join us for lunch, you've been updating those files all day."  
"Thanks, Gwen, but I'm not hungry." He replied with a tight-lipped smile  
"You feeling alright? It's not like you to not be hungry!" She remarked  
"I'm fine. Thank you for your concern." Owen turned back to his screen, indicating that the conversation was over.

By the time evening rolled around and everyone else had left, the stack of papers Owen was supposed to be transferring across had barely been touched. He knew he was supposed to be taking the night shift to monitor rift activity, so he figured he could probably continue his work through the night. A voice suddenly broke his reverie and he looked towards it.  
"Owen, go home, you look like shit. I'll take the night shift just... go get some sleep, ok?" It was Jack speaking, offering to take the shift off his hands so that he could go home. He had no doubts that Ianto would be joining the Captain so Owen chose to take the opportunity to leave earlier than planned.

Jack watched with suspicion as the young medic automatically packed up his things and left the Hub. He knew that something was wrong, and it wasn't just the hangover. Something about Owen's behaviour, his unusually quiet demeanor and his lack of appetite, wasn't quite right. It always concerned Jack when Owen acted out of the ordinary. He took his phone out from his pocket and called Gwen, who answered on the second ring. "Jack? What's the matter?" She asked  
"I need you to keep an eye on Owen," He said simply  
"Owen? What do you mean?" She wasn't quite understanding what the Captain wanted  
"If he goes to any bar or club tonight, I want to know about it. Something isn't right."  
"Ok, so I'm on Owen watch. Just what I wanted on my night off." Gwen's voice was laced with sarcasm.  
"Please, Gwen. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important." Jack's voice had softened.  
"Ok." Gwen agreed, before clicking her phone off.

A few hours later, just over a mile from the Hub, Owen sat alone in his flat, a half-filled glass of whisky in front of him. The mostly empty bottle was a little further down the counter. He couldn't stop thinking about Katie. Just Katie. All he wanted was to see Katie. Tears fell onto his lap and his hands shook as he took another sip of his drink, finalizing his decision. Owen calmly took a pen and paper to write down his final thoughts, folding the sheet in half when he was done. He then took a knife from the kitchen drawer, went to his bedroom and took out the jumper that still smelled of Katie's perfume. Once he had taken in a deep breath of her scent, he folded the jumper back into the drawer, making sure it was safe and securely back where it belonged. From there, Owen sat cross-legged on the floor, leaning against the foot of his bed, and used the kitchen knife to slice his wrists open.

It took a few minutes for his vision to blur at the edges, but Owen expected this, he was a doctor after all. The last thing he heard was someone calling his name.


	2. Chapter 2

Gwen answered her phone to Jack for the second time that evening "Any update on Owen?" The American jumped straight to the point, clearly not bothered by pleasantries.  
"No Jack," She sighed, wishing she didn't have to do this "He's not left his flat all night."  
"Gwen?" Jack's voice was suddenly low and urgent "It's Friday night and Owen hasn't left his flat."  
"That's right. It's what I said, isn't it?"  
"It's Friday night and Owen Harper hasn't gone to a bar or a club." The realization hit Gwen like a ton of bricks  
"Oh, shit... we need to get over there."

Jack and Gwen met outside the building complex in which Owen lived and used the spare key to let themselves inside. Once they were in front of Owen's door, it was quiet. Too quiet for Jack, who wasted no time in kicking the door in. "Owen?" Jack called to no avail. Gwen spotted the almost empty bottle of whisky on the kitchen counter.  
"Jack, he's been drinking, look." She gestured at the bottle before her eyes fell on the piece of paper. She hurried over and picked it up, scanning the words written in Owen's scrawl. It looked like he had taken some effort to make it legible, but Owen really did have doctors handwriting. "Jack!" She barked, causing him to jump "Listen to this. I'm sorry if you are the one to come across this, but I can't keep going like this. I just want to see Katie again. Please bury me in the suit hanging on its own in the wardrobe nearing the window. Once again, I'm sorry. Yours, Dr Owen Dominic Harper... Oh my god, Jack. Check his bedroom!" Sure enough, when Jack went to Owen's bedroom, the doctor was slumped forward, a pool of blood soaking into the carpet around his. Jack rushed to Owen's side, grateful when he felt a weak pulse fluttering beneath his fingers.  
"Gwen, call an ambulance!" Jack ordered  
"One step ahead of you, Jack!" She responded. Jack laid Owen's head in his lap  
"Come on, Owen. Don't give up. You're stronger than this, please just hold on for me."

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Tosh was just opening a bottle of wine when her phone rang. She answered without looking at the caller ID. "Hello, Toshiko speaking."  
"Tosh, meet me at the Cardiff Royal Infirmary."  
"Jack, it's my night off. Can't Owen deal with it? He's supposed to be on duty tonight." Tosh wouldn't usually argue, but she was so looking forward to a quiet night in.  
"It's about Owen, Tosh." Her blood ran cold "Now get your ass to the Royal Infirmary immediately. That's an order." The phone line went dead. Tosh grabbed her coat and keys, jumped in her car and sped off to the hospital. The only sign she had even been at home was the empty wine glass and full bottle with a corkscrew sticking out of the top.

TWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTWTW

Jack and Gwen had been directed to the waiting room whilst Owen was treated, both fearing the worst as time ticked on. It was Gwen who broke the silence, realising she was still holding Owen's note. "Jack?" She asked. Jack made a non-committal noise in response. "Who's Katie?" Jack stared at Gwen for a moment before she continued. "Owen wrote that he just wants to see Katie again. Who's Katie?" The captain rubbed his face before responding.  
"Katie was Owen's fiancé. She died after an alien parasite lodged in her brain, and I recruited Owen not long afterwards. He seemed like he was doing ok, I mean, I know he wasn't ok but he was pretty good at holding it together. Honestly, Gwen, I've been waiting for this breakdown since day one."  
"I didn't think Owen was the type to get married..." Gwen muttered  
"Her death... it changed him a lot from what I understand. He was always Owen, of course, but with Katie he... he cared. He wanted to succeed. He wanted to save lives." Just as Jack finished his sentence Tosh came running into the room in what seemed to be her pyjamas.  
"Captain Jack Harkness you better tell me what in the hell is going on before I find some _very_ creative ways to hurt you!" She threatened  
"Tosh, calm it!" Gwen interfered "We've got enough to worry about without you at Jack's throat."  
"What's happened?" Tosh asked, somewhat calmer than before  
"Owen made an attempt," Jack stated simply  
"An attempt? What do you mean an attempt?" Tosh wasn't getting any more information than she already had  
"An attempt on his life, Tosh. The one we've been waiting for." Jack explained further. Tosh couldn't take it and had to sit down on the nearby chair.  
"No... no, he didn't..." Gwen just passed Tosh the suicide note she was still clutching. As Tosh read it, tears fell down her face and into her lap. When she finished, Jack held out his arm for her. She took this invitation, buried her face in his shoulder and cried.


	3. Chapter 3

It was 2am when Jack's phone rang. Gwen had gone to find coffee and Tosh was curled up on a chair, asleep under Jack's coat, her face no more peaceful in sleep than it was awake. "I'm sorry, my love." He answered the call, knowing that only four people would call him at that hour. One was in a hospital bed, one asleep, another finding something to keep herself awake, so that left only Ianto.  
"It's ok," Ianto replied "Any update?"  
"No, they won't even let us see him." Jack rubbed at the scruff forming under his chin from having not shaved for a few days. "I'm going to stay here though, Tosh and Gwen are showing no signs of leaving either. Are you ok to stay in the Hub for a while? Use my bed if you want-"  
"Jack, I'd hardly call it a bed," Ianto interrupted  
"Ok, whatever you want to call it, you can use it. I just need someone in the Hub at night to keep an eye on rift activity."  
"Rodger that, Sir," Ianto clicked his phone off and placed it next to the bed. Little did Jack know that Ianto had already gone to bed, that he had called to check in.

Back in the waiting room, Jack saw the figure under his coat stir a little. He slowly made his way over so as not to wake the young woman more, and gently began stroking her hair, perched on the arm of the chair she was asleep in, shushing gently.

A few hours late, a doctor appeared. Gwen had dropped off, exhaustion finally hitting her hard, but Jack was still leaning on the back of the chair Tosh was curled up in, idly stroking her hair as she slept. He looked up when the doctor walked into the room. "How is he?" Jack asked hoarsely, his voice the only evidence he had been crying.  
"He lost a lot of blood, and it took several hours to repair and close his arteries, but he's stable for now,' The doctor said. "You know, I trained with Owen. He's a good bloke, and I'm sorry that he did this."  
"When can we see him?" Jack asked, keeping his voice as steady as he could.  
"Now." The young doctor led Jack towards a room near the end of the ICU. It took all of Jack's strength not to break down in tears the moment he saw Owen looking so young, small and vulnerable. He looked so much younger than his 28 years that Jack couldn't bear it. Both of Owen's wrists were heavily bandaged, a tube down his throat to help him breathe. It didn't escape Jack's notice that he also had padded cuffs attaching his arms to the bedrail. The doctor saw him staring "The cuffs are just a precaution. Mr Harp-"  
"Doctor," Jack growled  
"My apologies. Dr Harper will remain on suicide watch until he is no longer a danger to himself." Jack ignored the younger man, and just sat beside Owen, holding his hand and stroking his hair.  
"Owen..." He whispered "Why didn't you talk to us? Why was this necessary?" He thought that his team trusted him enough to tell him about these things. Clearly, he was wrong.

It was another hour before Tosh joined Jack in Owen's room, the large RAF coat draped over her arm. She stood for a moment, just staring at Owen, before swallowing. "How is he?" She asked quietly  
"Alive, barely. The doctors said he lost a lot of blood. It could take him weeks to wake up, months, possibly years, to recover fully, and even then he may not still be the Owen we know." Tears fell down Jack's face "I failed him, Tosh. I didn't notice and he nearly died. He _wanted_ to die," the usually composed leader of Torchwood 3 choked on a sob, appalled at himself for missing all the signs  
"Jack, none of us could have known," Tosh tried to reason "Owen liked to keep things to himself. He wouldn't have said anything even if you asked. There's no point blaming yourself. Owen still loves Katie, he always will, and it will always be so difficult for Owen to move on because she was the girl he was going to marry." Tosh was crying now, feeling his loss. "We all lost people when we joined Torchwood," She continued "Ianto lost Lisa, Gwen lost Rhys, I lost my family, and Owen lost Katie. We all made huge sacrifices to be members of Torchwood, which you well know, Jack Harkness. Of course, it's going to be difficult, it's difficult for all of us, but we're not going to show it. Need I remind you that it took us over a month to find out that Gwen and Rhys had broken up, and the only reason we found that out was because Owen found her asleep in the boardroom after she said she was going home. We're Torchwood. Our job is to hide, and sometimes that means hiding from each other. There was nothing you could have done, there was nothing any of us could have done." By the time she finished, Tosh's face was red and splotchy, tears openly streaming down her cheeks. She took a seat beside Jack, idly stroking Owen's hair as he lay still, hoping and praying that he would be ok.


	4. Chapter 4

Days turned into weeks with no change, but there was never a moment when someone wasn't sat with Owen. Tosh was frequently the one by his bedside, with Jack coming a close second. After 10 days it was suggested that life-supporting measures were removed. After Jack has finished, it wasn't mentioned again.

Ianto only made one visit. He couldn't stand hospitals, but he felt he owed Owen at least one visit. He stood in the doorway, loitering. The whole room reminded him of parts of his childhood he thought he had erased. "I caught him once," Ianto said suddenly, making Jack realize he was there. "Caught him late one night doing an autopsy. I was just leaving and I heard Shania Twain, and there's Owen singing 'Man, I feel like a Woman' as he cuts open a dead body." Ianto grinned a little, staring at his hands. "I found his playlist, thought it might... help." He finished weakly, holding out the headphones and mp3 player he had brought with him. He gingerly placed the headphones over Owen's ears and hit play, before leaving. His visit lasted no more than five minutes.

In the third week, or it could have been the fourth, Jack had lost track, he felt his hand being squeezed weakly. He sat bolt upright, having been half asleep. "Owen?" He asked cautiously, unsure if he had been imagining things. He felt his hand being squeezed again, a little stronger this time, and squeezed back. Owen opened one eye just a little bit, and it was all Jack could do to keep from crying. Owen groaned, and Jack pressed the call button for a nurse, who removed the tube from Owen's throat. He coughed, hurting his weakened lungs in the process. Jack helped him to some water that had been left on a table nearby. "Christ," He croaked once he had finished coughing "Harkness haunts me in the afterlife too." Jack laughed, now unable to control the flow of tears running down his face.  
"Owen, you're not dead. You're in the Cardiff Royal Infirmary," He explained  
"What do you mean, I'm not dead? But all accounts I should be." Owen started coughing again, and Jack had to help him to more water before he took a deep breath and continued.  
"Gwen and I... we found you, just in time. You were unconscious, but just about alive. You died on the way to the hospital, but they brought you back and you're still here." Owen was quiet for a moment.  
"How long ago was that?" He asked, not quite meeting Jack's eyes.  
"Nearly a month,' Jack said quietly. Both went silent before he continued "There's some damage to your kidneys from the medication you've been on, as well as your heart and lungs where they were overworking to try and keep you alive. You'll probably be quite unsteady on your feet for a while, but we can deal with that, assuming you want us to." Owen looked confused  
"I have a choice?" He asked  
"Of course you do. You always did." The older man took a white pill from his pocket "You can take the retcon, never see Torchwood again, or you can come back to us."  
"Do you just carry that shit around?" Owen was vaguely amused  
"It's useful sometimes." Jack shrugged. Owen smiled a little  
"I think I'll stick around, for now, Harkness."  
"Is that a promise?" One look in Jack's eyes told Owen that it wasn't his job prospects Jack was referring to. He took as deep a breath as he could manage  
"No... but it is an I'll try."  
"I'll take that." Jack took Owen's hand once again and squeezed. Owen settled back into his pillows, smiled weakly and squeezed back.  
"Thank you, Jack," He whispered  
"What for?" Jack asked, confused.  
"Saving my life a second time, and giving me a reason to live." Jack took Owen's clearly drug-induced thanks and just smiled  
"You're welcome, Owen."

A/N Sorry this chapter is a little shorter, but I wanted to get it up before I take off for Christmas. I might do some writing in between Christmas and New Year, but it's unlikely I'll have another chapter before Christmas, so merry Christmas everyone! Hope you have a good one if you celebrate it, and I'll see you afterwards.


End file.
